The Cabin in the Woods
Director: Drew Goddard
Starring: Kristen Connolly, Chris Hemsworth, Jesse Williams, Anna Hutchison, Fran Franz, Sigourney Weaver
Running Time: 1 hr, 35 min
What happens when you combine Hostel, Clash of the Titans, Friday the 13th, Scary Movie, and Night of the Living Dead into one film? Crap-o-la in a box and that’s what you get with this latest installment to the horror genre.
The storyline is a familiar one; 5 friends decide to spend a weekend at a cabin belonging to a family member of college football star Curt (played by Chris Hemsworth). During a game of “Truth or Dare” the friends stumble upon a secret door leading to a basement full of antiquated goods. Unbeknownst to them, every artifact has the potential to lead them down a perilous path to their own destruction. For example, one object (should they read the Latin inscription) will send a horde of zombies after the kids. Another object has the potential to send killer clowns… yes, that’s right, killer clowns… into their path. Meanwhile, hidden cameras throughout the cabin are tracking their every move and viewers are betting money on which horrific path the group of 5 will take. Of course the college kids have no idea any of this is going on, until they are finally confronted by… well, I wont spoil it. All the while, a high-tech company located beneath the cabin is controlling the entire operation.(Spoiler alert!) Towards the end of the film, a clash between every horror monster and villain you could think of is unleashed culminating with the release of titans that will ultimately enslave humanity.
If the storyline sounds jumbled and confusing that’s because it is. The various attempts at humor also sent this film into a loop. Was it trying to be taken serious as a horror flick, or did it want to go down the comedic route? When this film FINALLY reached it’s conclusion I found myself scratching my head and thinking aloud, “what the hell did I just see?” I wasn’t alone either. The various individuals around me, including my buddy Derrick, were shell shocked. The brief cameo of Sigourney Weaver was definitely overshadowed by the metamorphosis of twists and turns that took place throughout the film that I wondered to myself, why did she agree to come out in this film? The fact this film has a 92% full RED tomato rating on RottenTomatoes.com is also astonishing. Although the film can be appreciated for trying to reinvent the archaic storyline Hollywood dishes out year in and year out, it unfortunately tried to do to much at one time which inevitably lead to the disorganization and collapse of the film.
My final verdict: wait to see this movie (if at all) when it premiers on the SciFi Channel or some other television outlet. Ok ok, maybe it’s a $1.00 Red Box rental but just don’t pay any late fees by forgetting to turn this circus of a film in or you will hate yourself.
GRADE: D- –